party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
