You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
