whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
