I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
