No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
