So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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