Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
