you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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