What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
