Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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