There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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