Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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