That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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