is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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