Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just threw up on my dentist
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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