She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Couch. On fire.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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