Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize