I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
