i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
