I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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