What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
