My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
porn star boner night. come get it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
