Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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