Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
