Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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