Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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