This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
