I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
