I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
