when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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