Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
