My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
