I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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