im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
