Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
