What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a burrito and a hug.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
