Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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