paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
