3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
