is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
