my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
