the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
