Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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