She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
