the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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