His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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