4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
