I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
