this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
