I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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