I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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