i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's great music for shaving your balls
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
