At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
