You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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