I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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