i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
