Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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