at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize