God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
