Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
