...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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